Why Women Test Men (and How to Pass)
By Dan Bacon, founder of Master Attraction
Have you ever been talking to a woman, and she then said something that was intended to make you feel uncomfortable?
Or you're talking to a woman and things seem to be going well, but she then starts playing hard to get?
Why would she want to create that sort of awkward, uncomfortable feeling between you and her?
What’s going on?
Ultimately, the reason why a woman will test a man is to see how genuine he is.
Genuine in terms of his confidence, his interest in her, and his behavior.
For example, with his confidence—how confident is he really?
He may be talking to her as though he’s a confident guy.
He isn’t an insecure guy.
He isn’t a nervous guy.
He is a guy who’s very confident and believes in himself.
But is he going to continue believing in himself if she challenges him a little bit?
If she says something that is intended to make him feel uncomfortable, or is intended to see if he’ll start doubting himself—
Is he actually going to start doubting himself, or is he genuinely a confident guy?
If she sees that he is genuinely a confident guy, then she feels like okay—she doesn’t need to test anymore.
But if she’s talking to a guy who is acting as though he’s confident—or pretending and putting on a mask of being confident—then she wants to find that out.
Because women don’t want to get into a relationship with a guy who is going to be insecure.
That sort of guy will tend to become very needy, jealous, and overprotective.
He’ll tend to need her to be propping him up all the time in terms of helping him feel confident.
He’ll need her to be reassuring him of her interest.
He’ll need her to be softer and more gentle with him, otherwise he might just fall apart.
He might not be able to remain confident.
So that was in terms of confidence.
Now in terms of interest level, a woman wants to be able to see how interested the guy really is.
If she starts to play a bit hard to get, or isn’t being reassuring of her interest—
Is he just going to give up and stop talking to her?
Or not text her anymore?
Or stop dating her because he’s just having sex with her for now if he’s dating her?
Or if they’re talking in person—is he just talking because he’s hoping to get laid?
Or hoping that he can get a woman to be interested in him so he can feel good about himself?
How interested in her is he really?
Does he really find her attractive?
Is he really interested in her?
That said, it doesn’t mean that in order for a guy to get with a girl, he needs to show that he’s genuinely interested.
Because women also go for guys who aren’t that interested in them—but are making them feel attracted.
If the guy is very confident, or if he’s able to flirt and use humor, or if he has what I call emotional masculinity, or if he uses what I call masculine charm, if he has untamed energy—
There are so many emotional traits or behavioral traits that women find attractive in men.
If a woman is interacting with a guy who’s displaying some traits that make women feel attracted, then she’s going to feel attracted to him.
Sometimes, if the guy isn’t that interested in her but she’s feeling very attracted, she’s then going to feel compelled to hopefully get him to like her in return.
But not all women will do that.
Not all women will chase and pursue a man who isn’t interested in them.
Because a woman may have experienced that before, where she chased a guy who wasn’t really that into her—
And it turned out to be a difficult relationship where she was always trying to get the guy to be more interested, but he really wasn’t.
He just didn’t find her that attractive.
He slept with her anyway.
So she doesn’t want to end up in something like that again.
Finally, number three is how genuine his behavior is.
Some guys will put on an act of being nicer than they really are, or nicer than they want to be.
Some guys will put on an act of being a really cool, bad boy type—when they’re not.
The woman wants to be able to test and see whether or not his behavior is genuine.
Is he putting on an act, or is that who he really is?
If it is who he really is—
For example, if he’s a good guy and he’s confident, and he’s able to make her feel attracted during the interaction by displaying some traits that make women feel attracted—
Then she’s going to be attracted to him and she’ll like him.
But if he’s a guy who’s putting on a fake act of being nicer than he really is or wants to be—
In order to hopefully get a chance with her—
Then she’s not going to be attracted to that.
Because it’s not genuine.
She also sees that as being insecure.
The guy thinks he needs to put on an act of being nicer than he is to be liked.
So he’s the sort of guy who doesn’t feel like he’s good enough.
If a woman is attractive, she usually doesn’t want to get involved with a guy who doesn’t feel like he’s good enough.
Because that will usually lead to him being very insecure in the relationship—jealous, overprotective, and so on.
On the other end of the spectrum is a guy who acts really cool or bad boy or aloof and disinterested.
Even with the disinterested one, for example—
A guy may act like he’s not that interested in her, or not interested in women in general.
He’s a guy who’s doing his own thing, has purpose in life, is focused on himself.
But when he’s interacting with a woman he finds attractive, he may really like her and be hoping to get a chance.
If she senses that he’s just putting on an act of being disinterested, she’ll test him.
She’ll talk about another guy who likes her.
Or talk to another guy in the group and show interest in him.
Then she’ll look to see how he reacts.
Does he suddenly have that look of rejection on his face?
Does he look a bit panicked, like he’s seeing if she likes that other guy more?
Does he seem sad now that the girl he likes is showing interest in someone else?
Or when she talks about another guy that likes her, does he try to put the guy down—
Or talk about himself in a way that he hopes will make her like him more?
Does he talk about how much better he is than that other guy?
What he’s achieved in life and so on?
Or is he a guy who genuinely remains unaffected?
Does he really not care whether she likes him or not?
Is his confidence real?
So if a woman challenges you in the moment to test how genuine you are, don’t react defensively or panic in any way.
Depending on the test, you can either be non-reactive, or you can laugh it off, or you can laugh at her in a loving way.
Or you can playfully mess with her in return.
You can playfully challenge her in return.
If your confidence is genuine, you will be able to react to her in one of those ways.
Yet if your confidence isn’t genuine, you will naturally crumble under the pressure and reveal that you aren’t secure.
For some guys who aren’t genuinely confident, they may find it annoying and frustrating and unfair that a woman will do that.
“Why would she test a man? Just be nice, right? I like you—just be nice now.”
But as I’ve explained, there are certain reasons why women will test.
Because most of the guys that a woman meets will happily have sex with her if she says yes.
So she has to be a little bit cautious and just check to see if the guy is actually genuine.
For one woman, the thing that matters most is whether his confidence is genuine.
For another woman, whether his interest is genuine.
And for another woman, whether his behavior is genuine.
She wants to be able to see that the way he’s behaving is real.
If it is—for example, he’s a little bit nervous but overall seems confident, and he’s being his authentic self—then she’ll overlook the nerves.
She’ll cut him some slack because his behavior is genuine.
Yet for another woman, if a guy really is being his authentic self but genuinely isn’t that interested in her—then that’s what matters most to her.
She doesn’t want to get involved with a guy who doesn’t really like her.
That’s not going to be a good experience for her.
Finally, another type of woman will overlook the fact that he’s not that interested or that his behavior isn’t even that genuine—if he really is so confident that she feels magnetically attracted to him.
And by “so confident,” I don’t mean he’s showing off or being macho.
I mean he really is more confident than her.
She’s able to look up to him and respect him because he’s so much more confident than she is.
She then looks at him as a guy she can feel feminine around.
A guy she can feel safe with.
Because he really is confident.
She’s going to get that experience of being with a man she can look up to in terms of how emotionally strong he is compared to her.
By the way, if you want to get an exclusive lesson on confidence—where I teach you my most powerful mindset for confidence that instantly makes you more confident around women that you find attractive, and causes you to become increasingly confident every day from then on—then you can watch that at masterattraction.com.
So I’ll either see you there, or if you want to continue learning from me on YouTube right now, I’ll see you in the next video.
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