The Biggest Mistake Intelligent Men Make With Women
By Dan Bacon, founder of Master Attraction
If a man is intelligent, he’ll be used to understanding things very easily in life and being right about most things in life.
However, when it comes to women, there’s a mistake that intelligent men make that causes them problems throughout their entire life when it comes to women.
Many intelligent men never figure this out.
I’ll talk about this mistake in terms of single men and men in relationships with women.
As a single man, an intelligent man will often make the mistake of wanting women to want him based on who he really is deep down.
To appreciate how intelligent he is, how philosophically intelligent or academically intelligent he is, how much he knows about life or who he really is deep down.
Because who he is on the surface is a man who has to interact with other people and get through life, and he has to talk in a certain way and behave in a certain way.
But who he is deep down is someone entirely different.
He is a man of substance.
He is a man of depth.
There is really a lot more to him.
He wants women to really know that side of him and see that side of him and like him because of that.
As a result, he may see small talk and flirting and having a fun conversation with a woman as superficial nonsense.
Right, "I don’t need to engage in those sorts of things. Women should know that I’m a great guy. Who I am deep down is amazing and women should just know that."
But the intelligent man forgets to realize that when he looks at a woman, he can find her instantly attractive based on her physical appearance, and he doesn’t know who she is deep down.
He can start to have that love at first sight experience because men place the most importance on how a woman looks.
However, women place the most importance on how a man makes them feel.
That is emotional attraction.
So while a woman will feel attracted to a very deep, introspective and intelligent man, she needs to be able to feel attracted to the version of him that is in the here and now first.
Right, so there’s the deep down version of you and then there’s the version of you that’s in the here and now.
It’s about how you make her feel when you’re interacting with her right now.
It’s not about how deep you are, how intelligent you are, how amazing you are or could be.
It’s about how she’s feeling right now.
The way that a woman works is like a mirror of how the world works.
For example, a man may be very intelligent, he may have big dreams and ambitions, he may have ideas that could change the world.
That’s all great, but what is he doing about it in the here and now?
Is he actually doing something about it?
Is he making progress on that and doing something about it or is he just a guy with a lot of ideas, a lot of thoughts and some wasted intelligence, wasted talent?
Right, who is he in the here and now?
Is he able to make something happen in the here and now?
It’s difficult for some men to come to terms with that because a woman doesn’t really have to do anything and a man can find her attractive.
She can literally stand there and say “blah blah blah blah blah blah” and a man will want to have sex with her anyway.
So why does a man have to be able to do something?
Why does a man have to be able to create something in the here and now when he’s interacting with her?
One of the reasons is how our attraction has developed over time.
If you look back into human history, it has always been the man who is the breadwinner, the man who has to go out there and make something of himself, the man who has to be strong and achieve something.
Women have been the ones to stay put, basically have kids, take care of them, make some food, be a nurturing presence and so on.
Of course, in today’s world, women can get a job; they’re out there working for the most part.
That doesn’t mean that the ancient attraction instincts that have developed over time have suddenly gone away.
Our instincts have remained.
One of the instincts, for example, is regarding food.
Even though for most of human history it wasn’t easy to have enough food, there is so much food available now.
But the instinct to eat a lot of food and stock up and add some fat so you can survive times where there isn’t a lot of food hasn’t gone away.
A lot of people really can’t control that part of themselves where they feel the need to eat lots of food.
Right, their instinct is saying eat eat eat.
If they have a lot of weight on their body and they don’t eat for 4, 5, 6 hours, they feel really hungry and their body is pushing them to eat more food and not lose any of that fat that they have stored.
Even though they don’t need that fat, even though they could survive off very limited food for quite a long time, just using their fat stores and drinking water and just getting enough nutrients.
But the body’s instinct to push the human to eat enough food, store enough fat is still there.
It hasn’t gone away just because we have supermarkets or you can use an app to order food to your house.
The instinct is still there.
So with women, the instinct to be with a man who is able to create something in the here and now, who is more than just the deeper side of himself is still there.
She still wants to be able to look at a man as someone who can handle himself in a social interaction, who has emotional intelligence.
Who is going to be able to interact with her and if she’s playing a little bit hard to get, if she’s adding some light tension into the interaction, he’s not going to fall apart.
He understands that women will sometimes add in some light tension to test a guy to see how strong he is.
Other times, women will let it in because they want some excitement in the interaction, they like the guy and they want to make sure that there is a bit of a spark between them and the guy, rather than it just being neutral and flat, and then there’s just nothing there.
Because a man’s attraction to a woman works differently.
He doesn’t need her to say or do anything in order to want to have sex with her.
He can just look at her and say, “Yes.”
He doesn’t need her to be able to create some sexual tension in the moment, be able to use some humor, be able to handle the tests of her confidence that he’s trying to put her through.
Right, "I’ll challenge her now and see how strong she really is. Is she strong enough for a guy like me? Can she protect me? Is this a woman that I can get behind in life because she has her crap together emotionally and mentally?"
In almost all cases, a man is not trying to find that out about a woman.
He looks at her, he finds her attractive physically.
Now, if she’s just friendly and nice, then fantastic, he’ll have sex with her.
In many cases, he’ll get into a relationship with her because of how his attraction works.
Right, it’s not about trying to find a woman who’s going to be able to make something of herself in this world.
"Are you going to be able to go out there and handle other people and achieve something big in life? Are you going to be able to do that so I can stay at home and give birth to babies and take care of them?"
Right, the man isn’t wired like that.
A man’s attraction is wired to make him look for a physically attractive female who is healthy and can have kids, even if he doesn’t ever want to have kids.
That’s what the system of attraction in his body is driving him to do—to find a woman to plant his seed.
That’s one of the reasons why men are the ones who check women out and they can instantly have the thought in their mind of “yep, I’d have sex with her.”
It’s just very instant.
Of course, if it’s going to be about a relationship rather than just sex, then the man will want the woman to be nice and friendly and warm and intelligent and all those great things.
But initially, a man doesn’t really need anything.
A woman does.
She needs to be able to interact with a man and find him emotionally attractive.
She’s looking for traits that suggest he is a confident, competent man who can go out there and interact with other people or interact with the world and make something of himself.
He has some potential.
It doesn’t mean that a man needs to be successful in life.
If a man needed to be successful in life in order to get a girlfriend, then no guy at high school, university or a guy working a casual job, part-time job or a low-paying job would be able to get himself a girlfriend or get sex.
No one would be able to get anywhere.
So it’s not about a guy having to be successful first.
Instead, what women look for is a man who has potential.
That was proven in the largest ever study on human mating preferences, which included 37 cultures from around the world.
These days, on YouTube, certain videos get posted saying that women only want rich and successful men and you’ve got to grind and become successful first and then you’ll get a girl, and so forth.
But those are naive guys who just don’t understand what’s going on.
They haven’t really thought about it and realized that—hang on a second—guys at school got girls.
Guys at uni get girls when they don’t even have anything yet.
Guys who have a part-time job or a casual job get girls.
Guys who work as waiters or bartenders get girls.
Guys who have a low-paying office job get girls.
They don’t think about that.
They just think, “Well, look, women like rich men, and if you want to get girls, you’ve just got to make it. You’ve got to be rich and then girls will like you and prior to, then they’re not going to be interested in you because they’re just interested in the top 5% of men. That’s all they want. That’s all they go for. No one’s got a chance.”
Even though guys all over the world get with women when they’re at a very low level in life in terms of success and they just have a normal job and they’re just trying to figure life out and get somewhere in life.
They may never become successful, but the woman feels emotionally attracted to the man.
She’s in love with him.
She wants to stay with him.
I mentioned that I’ll point out this mistake that intelligent guys make in terms of relationships as well.
What often happens for men in relationships is that they will want their woman to really appreciate who they are deep down.
Right, "I’m a really deep thinker. I’ve got great thoughts about this or I’ve got great thoughts about you."
Right, he’s got great intentions with her.
He’s such a good guy.
He’s a good provider.
He’s helping around the house.
Maybe he’s being really nice to her.
He’s listening a lot.
He’s there for her emotionally.
He does this for her, he does that for her.
Deep down, he’s such a good guy and she should want him because of that.
Or she should just be so amazed by him because he has such complex thoughts and he understands so much about the world, politics and so on.
Yet the reality is that attraction is created in the here and now and it continues to be created in the here and now when you’re in a relationship.
Right, when you’re single and you walk up to a woman, you create the attraction based on how you’re approaching the conversation and interaction with her.
In other words, are you being insecure or are you being confident?
Are you being passive and just going along with what she wants to do or are you asserting yourself at times?
Are you letting her see that there’s a guy in front of her that has a bit of a backbone, that is being a good guy when he’s talking to her, but he’s a bit assertive, he’s strong, he’s not someone who she’s just going to walk all over?
Likewise, are you a guy who’s just going to have a neutral conversation with her like a friend, or are you a guy who can have a neutral conversation, can talk about serious things, but can also add in flirting?
Can you also create sexual tension with flirting?
Do you have the social intelligence to understand that a woman’s attraction works differently from a man’s attraction?
You’re not expecting women to be as simple as a man, where a man looks at a woman and just says, “Yep, okay, good to go.”
Right, women aren’t that simple because they’re looking for something else from men.
What are his traits?
What sort of guy is he?
When you display the traits that make women feel attracted, they naturally feel attracted to you.
Because attraction is a reaction to attractive traits.
It’s not something that women can turn off.
It’s something that automatically happens.
It’s an instinctive reaction.
When you display confidence, women automatically feel attracted to you because of that.
Likewise, if you display insecurity, women automatically feel turned off.
It’s just an automatic, instinctive reaction.
So the thing is, when a guy is in a relationship with a woman, he has to understand that she’s not the same as him, and she needs to feel attracted in the here and now based on how he’s interacting with her.
That doesn’t mean that a man has to put on a big show for a woman and be very entertaining, tell lots of jokes and always be trying to do things to hopefully make her feel attracted.
Instead, he just needs to relax about it and display the traits that are attractive, rather than displaying the traits that are unattractive.
It doesn’t work the same way for women.
Right, a woman can be shy or insecure or self-doubting and a man’s not going to say, “Well now I don’t want to have sex with her because she’s not very strong. I need a woman who’s emotionally stronger than me. I need to feel like she’s stronger than me. I need to feel like she’s the more dominant force.”
A man isn’t looking for that sort of thing.
He’s not going to think that way.
He’s not going to feel that way unless he’s a very small percentage of men out there who want a mother-figure sort of woman.
Of course, but the absolute majority of women out there want to be with a man who is stronger than they are emotionally.
This is why you’ll sometimes see women get with men who aren’t very intelligent.
The guy’s a bit of a doofus, right?
But he’s stronger than her emotionally.
He’s very confident and she feels attracted to him.
She goes along with that.
An intelligent guy looks at him thinking, “What does she see in that guy? Why doesn’t she like me?”
The thing is, she would like the intelligent guy so much more if he were more confident than she is.
If he was able to interact with her and create some sexual tension in the here and now, which is what women need.
They need to be able to feel that based on the traits that you’re displaying, such as you flirting with her, you being more masculine and making her feel girly in comparison to you.
If you don’t do that and you just want to have a neutral conversation with her, or you want her to really like you and appreciate you because you’re so intelligent, then it’s just not going to work.
It’s like a woman being physically unattractive and saying to men, “Just like me because of how confident I am.”
Well, men don’t place a woman’s confidence as the most important thing that they’re looking for.
So that’s just not going to work.
That woman can stamp her feet and complain all day and say that men are wrong, they should like her because she’s so confident, even though she’s not physically attractive.
But it’s just not going to work.
Likewis,e a man can be physically attractive but be emotionally unattractive to a woman, and a woman won’t want him.
He’ll be like, “Well what’s wrong with this woman? I’m better looking than the guy that she’s with and he doesn’t even seem as smart as me. What’s going on here?”
Well, that man is able to create feelings of sexual attraction in the here and now when he’s interacting with her.
So she then gets with him.
Because emotional attractiveness is the most important thing to most women.
It doesn’t make sense to a lot of guys, but it’s how it works.
Additionally, it’s also very rare that a woman will come across a man who can display a number of the traits that are emotionally attractive to women.
For example, it’s very rare for a woman who’s physically attractive to come across a man who doesn’t doubt himself around her.
Who doesn’t feel insecure when she isn’t being reassuring of her interest.
In almost all cases, when she meets a guy, she will notice that the guy is doubting himself.
That he’s feeling nervous and unsure of himself because she’s not being reassuring of her interest.
Therefore she feels emotionally stronger than him.
She feels like the more dominant force emotionally.
That’s not attractive to her.
The guy may have big muscles.
Right, he is obviously physically stronger than her.
But she feels like he’s weaker than her emotionally.
All she has to do is give him a bit of a look and it makes him feel nervous.
It makes him doubt himself.
From that, she just can’t feel attracted to him.
Finally, another thing I’ll point out is that women do appreciate a deep thinker, an intelligent man, an introspective man and so on.
But they need to be able to feel that attraction first.
After you get to the point where you have sex with a woman when you’re single, she will then begin to become interested in the deeper side of you.
But initially, she’s interested in the side of you that is about the here and now.
Who are you in the here and now, and how is that making her feel?
Then, as you continue on in a relationship, if you are the sort of man who is emotionally attractive, she will fall deeply in love with you.
She will love the fact that you are intelligent, that you’re a deep thinker, that you’re introspective and that you understand a lot of things about the world.
She’ll listen to it.
She’ll talk to you about it for hours.
She’ll be fascinated with all that sort of stuff and she’ll like you more as a result.
Yet it’s important to understand that that alone isn’t what a relationship between a man and a woman is about.
It’s not just about the deeper side of you.
There’s also the here and now.
How are you making her feel in the here and now?
Are you understanding that she’s a woman and she doesn’t always just want to have an intelligent, logical conversation with you?
She’s a woman and she wants to feel girly in comparison to your approach to the interaction.
She wants to be able to feel your emotional dominance at times.
She wants to be able to feel your emotional strength.
She wants to feel a bit challenged by you in the moment, rather than you just being nice and reassuring and intelligent and wanting to have logical conversations with her.
Because you don’t really need anything else from her other than her being a good woman to you, looking good and okay, fine, we’re all good.
Right, you don’t need her to show that she’s really strong and tough emotionally.
You don’t need to see that from her.
But just because you don’t need that, it doesn’t mean that she doesn’t need that.
You have to understand that attraction does work differently between men and women.
If you don’t understand that and accept it, then you’ll experience problems with women your entire life.
You’ll be interacting with women and you’ll feel disappointed that they really aren’t appreciating the deeper side of you or your deeper intentions.
How good of a guy you are or how amazing of a guy you are deep down.
They’re not appreciating that and you want them to.
Yet the thing is, women will appreciate that.
They’ll fall madly in love with that side of you if you know how to make them feel attracted in the here and now.
By the way, if you enjoyed this video and you would like to learn more than 100 ways to make a woman feel sexually and romantically attracted to you in the here and now, then head over to masterattraction.com.
At Master Attraction, I teach you all of the traits that make women feel sexually and romantically attracted to you.
Even if you display five traits, then you’re going to be so much more attractive than men who are displaying the opposite of the attractive traits.
You’re going to stand out so much more.
But if you continue learning and you’re able to display 10, 15 or 20 traits, then you literally become irresistible to women.
I only recently opened Master Attraction and here’s what members are saying already.
Two of the members of the MAC—that’s the Master Attraction Community, which you get access to when you’re learning from the lessons—went out to meet women together.
This member picked up a cute blonde and it was the first girl that he’d ever picked up at a bar.
Another member went out and used the techniques that he’d been learning just in the first month of the lessons that you’ll get, and he kissed six girls in one night and got three phone numbers.
Another couple of members met up and had all sorts of fun with girls all day.
All sorts of things were going on there.
Three other members caught up and they were approaching non-stop and getting various good results.
They were saying they managed to get a phone number, and one of the guys overcame his approach anxiety.
Another guy used the technique that I teach in the first lesson on confidence and it resulted in his yoga instructor really wanting him and him having to basically do nothing but ask her out.
He then hooked up with her that night.
Finally, another guy used the technique that I teach in the first lesson on confidence and he noticed that women were getting closer to him than usual.
They were showing him interest and giving him what he called “the look.”
This is what happens when you use the technique.
Women feel magnetically attracted to you and it’s taught in the first lesson on confidence at Master Attraction.
- Attraction Mastery video lessons
- Master Attraction Community
