"I Have No Confidence With Women" Here's Why and How to Fix it
Confidence is something that you create within yourself.
It’s also something that you can kill within yourself as well, based on your thinking.
In this post, I’ll explain three mistakes that men make with their thinking that kill their confidence when it comes to women.
1. Keeping score of what he’s done in comparison to her
“I gave her a compliment and she hasn’t given me a compliment, so if I give her another one, she’s going to have more power than me.”
“She didn’t reply to one of my texts, so if I text her again, I’ll seem needy—or it means she’s lost interest because I’ve sent one more text than she has.”
Or if a man’s in a relationship:
“She hasn’t hugged me this week, so if I hug her first again, it means she has all the power and I’m being needy.”
Some guys think they need to prove themselves to a woman in that way.
“I’ve got to be able to show her that if I give her a compliment and she doesn’t give one back, then I’m not going to give another one—because I’m cool. I’m confident. I’m tough. I’m aloof or something. I don’t know—I’ve got to prove something.”
No.
If you’re a confident man who believes in himself and you want to give a woman a compliment, you can give her three or four compliments and it doesn’t mean that she has more power than you.
Likewise, if you’re an insecure man who doesn’t believe in himself and you give a woman one compliment, you can think that gives her more power than you.
That’s your thinking.
You’re creating that insecurity in your head.
As I said, confidence is something that you create in your own mind, and it’s also something that you can kill based on insecure thoughts.
If you’re thinking, “Oh, if I walk over and talk to a woman, I’m giving away all my power,” then that’s what you think about yourself.
Yet if you think, “If I walk over and talk to a woman, then I’m a man who is confident enough to go after what he wants in life,” then you’re able to feel confident about yourself because of that.
A very small percentage of men are able to think that way.
So they’re not ashamed to walk over and talk to a woman they find attractive, or to ask her out, or to ask for a phone number, or to stay in an interaction when they’re talking to a woman that they find attractive.
Another guy who is insecure may think that if he stays in the interaction a bit too long, she might think that he’s needy.
Or if there’s a pause in the conversation and he says something and then there’s another pause and he says something, then it’s going to look like he’s chasing her.
But another man will be much more relaxed about it and think, “Well, pauses happen in conversation. If I want to continue the conversation with her, I’ll continue it.”
“That doesn’t mean I’m needy or desperate. I’m just continuing the conversation.”
To be clear, I’m not saying that if a man is talking to a woman and she’s not saying anything, giving one-word replies, and basically telling him to go away, that he should just keep talking in a desperate way.
It’s not about that.
Instead, it’s about not being worried.
Not treating dating or interactions with women in a tit-for-tat sort of way, where you’re keeping score.
“Well, I did this, so she has to do that. If she doesn’t do that, it probably means she doesn’t like me that much. So I’m not good enough.”
Then you start to feel insecure.
But if you just let go of trying to keep score, it allows you to relax and keep the interaction going.
You can confidently talk to the woman and move things forward, which is what makes women feel attracted.
They want a man who is able to be confident and move things forward, or be confident and shoot his shot.
Rather than a guy who is worried about who has said what and what has happened.
“I sent her a text and she replied, and I sent another text and she didn’t reply, so if I send something now it means I’m needy.”
That guy’s just worrying too much.
Just send another text if you feel like sending another text.
It doesn’t matter—if you’re honestly coming from a place where you’re not desperate, you’re not needy, you’re just texting her.
You’re going to make her feel some attraction and you’re going to arrange a meetup.
Or if you’re talking to her in person, you’re continuing the conversation and you’re going to move it forward.
Just focus on what you want to do and don’t worry about trying to keep score.
Because if you do, women will almost always cause you to feel insecure.
2. Needing validation from the woman to feel confident
For example, constantly looking for signs that she likes you.
Waiting for her to give you a clear signal or to respond in a certain way.
Waiting for her to compliment you or make it really obvious that she likes you.
It’s important to understand that when it comes to the male-female sexual dynamic, it’s not the woman’s role to try to make you feel confident enough around her.
It’s not her role to prop you up and hopefully make you feel like you’re worthy of her.
Instead, she wants you to be able to feel that by yourself.
If you don’t feel that around a woman, she’ll naturally start to test you.
She’ll naturally and instinctively stop being reassuring about her interest.
She will test your confidence around her.
She needs to be able to see that you’re emotionally strong, regardless of what she says or does.
That you believe in yourself regardless of what she says or does.
Because instinctively, she knows that men don’t look up to and respect other men who are weak emotionally.
Other men look up to men who are strong emotionally.
She doesn’t want to align herself with a man who is going to be picked on or looked down on by other men.
Because that’s not going to be safe for her.
So even though it may feel a bit annoying and frustrating for men who aren’t confident, when a woman tests your confidence in an interaction—
For example, by not being reassuring of her interest or saying something a little bit playfully teasing to you, or putting a bit of pressure on you in the moment—
That actually provides you with an opportunity to level up as a man.
To become stronger.
It’s not intended to hurt you.
It’s intended to give you an opportunity to be stronger in the moment.
When you understand how to be confident around women and how to truly believe in yourself, that not only makes women feel attracted to you and not feel the need to test you, but it also makes other men respect you and look up to you.
That’s better for your career.
It’s better for your friendships.
And it just feels better as a man when you’re not the sort of man that other men are looking at as emotionally weak, sensitive, wimpy, fragile.
Instead, they look up to you and respect you as an emotionally strong man.
They give you that respect.
So, a mistake that a lot of guys make that kills their confidence with women is needing validation from women in order to feel confident.
Needing to see obvious signs of interest from her in order to feel worthy.
Needing to get a compliment in order to feel good about himself.
Needing to get reassurance about how he’s talking to her, or his behavior, or his choices in life, in order to feel like he’s good enough.
The reality is, if a woman senses that a man is insecure, isn’t emotionally strong, and isn’t emotionally independent, she’ll instinctively start to test him.
She may say something a little bit playfully teasing toward him.
Or say something that he sees as insulting.
Or that he gets really sensitive about—because he really needs that positive reassurance from women.
Anything that’s not positive reassurance, he takes as an insult.
Like, “Why would she say that about me?”
He may get defensive and sensitive about it.
The woman then identifies that, “Okay, this man isn’t emotionally strong.”
He needs reassurance and validation from a woman in order to feel good enough.
If he doesn’t get that, he starts to fall apart.
3. Thinking that he’s not good enough yet
A lot of guys go through life thinking, “When I get the body I want, then I’ll be confident.”
Or, “When I get the car, the apartment, the house, or the pay raise at work, then I’ll be able to feel confident. Then I’ll feel good enough.”
Meanwhile, other guys just get on with being with women now and continue working on creating a better life for themselves.
Most of them won’t actually become successful.
Most men don’t become very rich.
Most men just live a very ordinary life, even though they try hard.
They try to make a better life for themselves.
And the women just go along with it.
She’s in love with him.
They’re trying to make a better life for themselves.
They’re both working hard.
They have some dreams for the future.
They stay together and live the best life they can.
Most will never become very successful.
But that doesn’t mean they can’t be happy with each other, be in love, and enjoy their life together.
Now, don’t get me wrong—there is a problem when it comes to dating apps, for example.
What a lot of guys don’t understand is that the majority of women don’t use dating apps.
When you look into the numbers, most people don’t actually use dating apps.
And when you look further, you find that the majority of users on dating apps are men.
So on dating apps, women do have very high standards.
That’s true.
They judge men based on their looks, their lifestyle, and whether they appear to be successful.
That does happen.
But it’s important to understand that the absolute majority of women aren’t using dating apps.
Even though a woman may logically want a guy who is rich and successful, the chances of her meeting that guy are very slim.
Throughout human history and to this day, couples have remained together for life, even though around the woman, there have been other men who are very successful.
She stayed with her man.
They stayed together because they’re in love, they’re attracted to each other, and they’re working on building a better life together.
In many cases, something a lot of guys don’t understand is that many women don’t actually feel that they could hold down a man who is very rich and successful.
They don’t feel like that guy would be faithful to them or that they could live up to his expectations.
So many women are very happy and comfortable being in a relationship with a man who isn’t a huge success.
They may both be trying to work toward achieving goals together as a couple, but that doesn’t mean that in order for a man to get a woman, he has to have achieved so many things in life.
Over the years, many guys have commented on my channel saying they’re in their 30s or 40s and they’re still a virgin, or they’ve only had one girlfriend.
They have a mindset where they think they need to achieve a lot first in order to be worthy.
Some guys have paid off an apartment, got an investment property, built up their body, and bought a great car—
And they still don’t have a girlfriend.
They still struggle to feel confident around women that they find attractive.
Those guys are essentially thinking that they’re not good enough yet.
Based on that mindset, they often continue for another five or ten years, thinking they’re not good enough yet.
Thinking they need to do more in life, achieve more in their career, pay off this, have that and then women will see them as a high-value man.
Meanwhile, guys who are just normal guys are getting on with enjoying their life with women.
By the way, if you’d like to get an exclusive lesson on confidence, where I teach the most amazing confident mindset I’ve ever created, that has completely changed the lives of the members of my private community, then I recommend that you head over to masterattraction.com.
In addition to teaching you how to be 100% confident around women that you find attractive, I also teach you all of the other traits that make women feel attracted to you instantly and continually.
As long as you know how to display some traits that make women feel attracted, then you’re going to be attractive to women.
You have to understand that most women are way easier to attract and pick up than they make themselves out to be.
All you’ve got to do is display some attractive traits and shoot your shot and you’ll get a result with many of the women that you meet.
Here’s just some of what the members of the Master Attraction community have been saying.
One of the members went out to meet women with another member of the MAC (that’s the Master Attraction Community that you get access to when you’re learning from the lessons), and he picked up a cute blonde.
It was the first time he ever picked up a woman at a bar, and he couldn’t believe how smooth and easy it was.
Other members have been going out and meeting women together and getting amazing results.
Another member went out and got multiple phone numbers and kisses in one night.
Another member, who was really struggling with his confidence, learned from the first two lessons (that you get access to right away if you sign up), and he used those techniques to hook up with his yoga instructor.
He couldn’t believe how easy it was.
I could share so many other success stories about the confidence that members are experiencing and the results that they’re getting—
But instead, I’ll give you another insight about confidence.
You shouldn’t go through your life thinking that confidence is something that you either have or don’t have.
If you go through life looking at other guys who are more confident than you and think, “Oh, I can’t be confident like they are, because they just have that type of confidence,” then you’re killing your own confidence.
You’re thinking that you’re not able to be as confident as they are.
That you’re a guy who has to remain a bit insecure, nervous, or feel anxious around women.
You don’t have to be like that.
You can be a man who is truly confident around women.
You can really feel that way about yourself.
Because confidence—if you look it up in the dictionary—is belief in yourself and your abilities.
If you believe in your ability to make women feel attracted to you, and you get evidence of that by interacting with women and making them feel attracted to you, then you see that you really do have the ability to make women feel attracted.
Then you really do feel confident.
Just like those guys who are naturally confident around women.
They really do believe and know that they’re able to make women feel attracted.
So they feel confident in themselves.
They feel worthy.
But if you go through your life thinking that you just can’t have that type of confidence, that it’s something you have to be born with—
You can’t actually build confidence, can’t build belief in yourself and your abilities—
“The dictionary is wrong. Confidence is just something you’re born with.”
No.
Confidence is something that you create.
It’s something that you’re in control of.
And because you have that control, it’s also something that you can kill—if you think in an insecure way.
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