How to Pick Up a Woman in a Nightclub (When She is With Her Friends)
By Dan Bacon, founder of Master Attraction
Have you ever been interacting with a woman and you really liked her, but her friend got in the way of you and her getting together?
Today’s question is:
"So, how do you deal with that friend, the woman who stops you from talking to a lady you’re trying to initiate with? She says something like - She’s not interested, creep. Go away.”
Well, that’s not a very nice thing for the woman to say there.
But I can tell you, as someone who took new guys out into bars and clubs every weekend to meet women, that I never heard a woman say that.
Because of the approach that I teach guys, which I’ll tell you in a second.
And I’ll point out that the guys that I coached ranged from being very insecure and shy to being very confident.
And being below average looking to the point where they had some problems with their physical appearance, to handsome and even very handsome and no women reacted with the old “go away, creep” sort of line because the approach that I teach is not about going over and trying to pick a woman up.
Going over and trying to get a result, like “I’m going to try to get this girl,” and coming across as a guy who’s a quote unquote “pickup artist,” or a guy who’s trying hard to pick up.
Instead, what I’ve always taught is what the naturals do.
Which is, they walk over and they interact with a woman in a social, easygoing way.
And at the same time, they are displaying traits that trigger sexual and romantic attraction inside of the woman.
So for example, rather than a guy walking over and trying to be really nice to women to hopefully get somewhere, or a guy being neutral and just getting along with women in a neutral, friendly way, what a natural who knows how to attract women will do is that he will go over and be getting along with the women, but he’ll also display traits that trigger sexual attraction inside of them.
So, for example, he will use what I call playfully challenging humor.
And that is different from just using safe, friendly humor.
Playfully challenging humor is where you playfully challenge the woman in the moment, and therefore, she feels like she’s under the spotlight of your attention.
She’s under a bit of pressure there, and it makes her feel girly and feminine in comparison to your masculinity in the moment.
You have the confidence, the courage—or if you want to call it—the balls, to put her under a little bit of pressure in the interaction, rather than just exchanging pleasantries and trying to get along with her in a nice, neutral, friendly way.
For example, last week, a member of my Master Attraction community went out to meet women at a loud, noisy bar.
A woman stepped on his foot, and rather than doing nothing or just giving her a polite nod of “Hey, it’s okay,” he playfully challenged her by saying:
“Do you usually step on hot guys’ feet?”
Then after a bit of chit-chat, and her friends recognizing that he and her were flirting with each other and then getting out of the way, he kissed her within five minutes and had sex with her that night.
Prior to that, he’d never picked up a woman at a bar and brought her home, and had only been getting low-quality women from dating apps and through random social situations where he would get lucky.
Yet, as he said, they were low-quality women.
But as he said about this woman:
“She was hot as F.”
He then went out the second night and picked up another hot girl.
And this has happened for another member as well, who went out three nights in a row and picked up and had sex with women three nights in a row.
But back to this particular member.
He said that a woman like her would have never swiped right on him on a dating app, but he had sex with her that night and was just amazed at how easy it was.
Now, back to his playfully challenging humor line—it's important for you to know that you don't actually have to say an exact line.
Instead, the point is that you have to have the courage to playfully challenge the woman.
That’s what makes the difference.
So you compare that to a guy who’s trying to pick up and get a result—he will walk over and he’ll typically use lines such as:
“Oh hey, so how are you? You having a good night? Oh, what are you drinking there?”
And if he starts to talk to her, he’ll try to show that he’s a really good guy and he’d be good boyfriend material.
He may even ask her what she looks for in a guy, and then try to say that he has those qualities.
Or he’ll just have the energy where he’s trying to get something with the woman—he’s trying to get a result.
Additionally, he might also make the mistake, if she’s with two or three women, of just ignoring her friends and just wanting to talk to her, and trying to hopefully get her away from her friend so he can get a result.
And that then annoys her friends.
Compared to a guy who’s naturally good with women, who can just be social and be talking to the other women and not be trying to get a result with any of them.
But importantly, he’ll be displaying traits that make women feel sexually and romantically attracted.
And playfully challenging humor is one of the traits.
It’s not something that a guy needs to do every time, all the time, in every minute of the interaction.
Instead, he can display what I call masculine charm—and that’s going to make all of the women feel attracted.
He can display assertiveness, but do it in a respectful or loving way, or just in an easygoing sort of way—and they’re going to feel attracted to that.
He can display and have what I call untamed energy—and that’s automatically going to make the women feel attracted to him because most men are tame when they’re around women that they find attractive.
And a man who has untamed energy is so attractive to women because it suggests so many positive things about him.
Such as that he’s not needy.
He’s not seeking their approval of, “Are these women showing me signs that I can be a little bit more like who I really am, myself, and I can just be a little bit more untamed?”
“Or do I need to just keep being careful when I’m talking to these women?”
It’s very rare for women to come across men who are untamed.
And by that, I don’t mean reckless and doing bad things, silly things, irresponsible things.
I mean that your energy is untamed.
They’re not taming you in the moment.
It’s very difficult for women to come across men like that.
And a man with untamed energy does not need to be going into an interaction with a woman and trying hard to get a result.
Because they are going to feel attracted to him.
And what usually happens, if you are able to display multiple attractive traits, is that not only does the woman that you find attractive feel attracted to you, but her friends also feel attracted.
Which usually results in them competing amongst themselves to be with you.
But if they do not compete amongst themselves, they are happy that their friend is interacting with a guy who is making her feel attracted.
And they want it to happen because they can see that you are an attractive guy.
They are feeling it, they are enjoying the interaction with you, and they can see that their friend is attracted to you.
So it is all good.
They get right out of the way, and in many cases, they encourage and help the pickup to happen.
So, in terms of this comment here, there is a clue as to what the guy may be doing wrong based on how he has written his comment.
He said the female who is bad is the woman, and the female who he likes is the lady.
Because that suggests, in almost all cases, that the guy is placing her on a pedestal above him.
And he is looking at her as this special lady who is so innocent and needs to be treated like she is made of fragile glass.
And he needs to say and do everything right in order to hopefully get a chance with her.
Yet, what she really wants to be able to feel like is a real woman around him.
And a woman feels like a real woman around you if you are able to make her feel feminine and girly in comparison to your approach to her.
So with this particular guy, her friend said, “She’s not interested, creep. Go away.”
That would have happened for one of three reasons.
One, he encountered that one-in-a-million case where her friend is a really bad, toxic woman and has said something like that to him in a rude way when it was not even applicable.
Maybe the girl did like him.
Or two, he has not been able to read the woman's signals of disinterest, and he is interacting with her in a way that is not causing her to feel attracted.
She is showing him that she is not interested, but he keeps coming at her, trying to get something.
So her friend then tries to intervene to say something a bit harsh to get the guy to go away.
Because he cannot read the signals of disinterest from the woman.
He does not get it.
He does not understand that he needs to be able to make a woman feel attracted, and then she will open up.
He is just trying to get something based on talking to her and being nice or bragging about his achievements or whatever he may have been doing.
And the woman is just not feeling it, because he is not actively making her feel any attraction.
Or number three, the woman did not actually say that.
So there are some cases where a guy leaves a comment on my channel and he may exaggerate how bad the woman was in what she said.
Or he may just make something up based on what his fear is.
He fears that if he goes over and talks to a woman and she has a friend, her friend is going to say, “Go away, creep,” and they are going to say bad things to him.
So it is possible that the guy did not actually interact with a woman and get that response.
It is just a fear of his.
The thing is, these days a lot of men mistakenly believe that a man has to be six foot or taller and perfectly muscular in order to attract a woman.
Because there are a lot of crazy videos flying around on TikTok and on YouTube, and also with dating apps, where women have the power.
They do expect men to be tall, and they do expect men to be good-looking.
For example, on Tinder, 75% of the users are men.
So women have all the power, they have all the choice and therefore they can be picky like that.
Yet, in real life, pretty much any guy—regardless of height, weight, or appearance—does have a chance to attract women if he can display some emotionally attractive traits.
Such as confidence, charm, humor, flirting, assertiveness, untamed energy, and so on.
There are so many traits that a man can display that override the fact that he does not have big muscles, money, or height.
Now, it does not mean that a man who is not six feet tall and handsome can pick up any woman in the world.
But every guy does have a chance to attract women.
These days, many guys assume that because of what is happening on dating apps, if a guy is short, for example, then he has no chance and women are going to say, “Go away, creep.”
But the reality is that short guys who know how to attract women get laid and get a girlfriend easily.
The same goes for men who are the same height as the woman or approximately the same height.
You do not have to be a six-foot model or a muscular man to attract and pick up women in real life.
So the thing is, a lot of guys have a fear of a woman potentially saying, “Go away, creep,” because he is not a six-foot-tall handsome man.
Yet I can tell you, as someone who has approached thousands of women—and if you are wondering how I approached thousands of women, just think about me taking new guys out every weekend for three years and showing them how to approach women all night.
And prior to that, approaching and picking up so many women and mastering that area of my life before I started teaching.
So, as someone who has approached thousands of women, I have not ever gotten that response from a woman.
And my clients, regardless of their looks or confidence level, did not get that reaction from a woman.
Because the approach that I teach—and that I recommend that you use—is that you do not go over trying to pick up a woman and just trying to get a result with her.
Because she will sense that, and her guard will go up.
Her friends will sense it, and if they notice that their friend is not feeling comfortable, then they are going to try to start to block you out of the group.
So all you need to do is just go over and be social and not try to pick women up, but display traits that trigger romantic and sexual attraction inside of women.
And they automatically drop their guard.
They automatically want to interact with you because they are feeling attracted.
And if they are single and wanting to meet someone, they want to meet a lover, boyfriend, or potential husband.
And if they are feeling attracted, they open up to you.
They want that.
They are not going to tell you to go away if they are feeling attracted to you, because that is what they want.
They want to find a guy who makes them feel attracted.
Most guys who go over and talk to a woman and try to get somewhere—which is actually a very small percentage, if you go out to a bar or club and just pay attention—you will notice that most guys just stand looking at women.
And it is a small percentage of guys who actually walk over and talk to women.
But in almost all cases, they do not know how to do it right.
They are going over and being really nice to the woman, and they are having a boring conversation about “What do you do? Where are you from? Do you have brothers and sisters?” and so forth.
And just having a neutral, get-along-with type of conversation.
Or the guy is drunk and the women can see that, and he is slurring all over the place.
Or the guy is trying to show off and brag about his achievements and trying to hopefully impress the women with things like that and they can sense the insecurity and desperation from him.
But it is actually very rare for a guy to come over and just be social, be a normal guy, but at the same time be displaying traits that trigger sexual and romantic attraction inside of women.
And when you do that, the women’s guard immediately comes down.
They are excited, they are happy to be interacting with you, and they want to be with you.
So to summarize here, in terms of how do you handle that friend—the woman who stops you from talking to the woman that you are interested in—what do you need to do?
Rather than trying to handle her and try to get her out of the way and try to deal with her bad behavior and so forth, just bring out a different side of her.
By interacting with them in a social, easygoing way and displaying attractive traits that trigger attraction inside of them.
So they actually like you being part of the group.
You are not going into the group trying to take something, trying to get a girl.
Instead, you are going into the group and you are adding value to the group or the interaction.
Because you are coming in and making them feel attraction, which is what they want to feel.
That is what they want to experience when they are interacting with a guy.
And if they are all single, then they are going to start to look at you as a guy that they are interested in sexually and romantically.
And they are going to start to consider that.
And women can tell when other women are feeling attracted to a guy.
They can see the signs.
And when women see that, they then start feeling even more attracted to you.
There have been many studies done on this.
And the first one I will mention is when women were shown a man’s face and asked to rate how attractive he was.
They were then shown another screen telling them that the other women in the study were finding him more attractive.
Which then caused the women to increase their rating of him.
This is not something that men do.
It is unique to women.
In another study, women were more likely to rate a photo of a man as more desirable if he was presented alongside a female.
But men did not find women more desirable if they were presented alongside a man.
So essentially, the woman being with the man caused the other women to assume that he must be attractive.
So they then found him more attractive.
But that does not mean you need to have a woman next to you in order to attract a woman.
For example, in this study, it was found that women rate a man as having a good-looking or handsome face if he seems to be displaying the personality traits and behaviors—the emotional traits—that women look for.
Such as confidence and emotional independence.
Yet if the same man’s face seemed submissive, vulnerable, insecure, self-doubting, and so on, women did not find his face handsome or attractive.
Once again, this is not the way that men are.
It is unique to women.
For example, men are actually turned on by submissive, vulnerable, innocent-looking women, as well as confident women.
Most men do not really care, because initially it is not about the woman’s emotional traits.
Yet for women, it is about your emotional traits.
So it is important to understand that a woman’s attraction is different from a man’s attraction.
Women have to find out if a man is attractive based on his behavioral traits.
So, a shortcut that women have always used is to notice if other women are finding him attractive.
And then it is less work for them to try to figure out whether the guy is attractive or not.
Because other women have already figured that out.
So what happens is that when they see that other women are finding you attractive, they know that women have figured out that you are attractive.
And then they realize that you are one of the rare guys who actually know how to make women feel attracted.
You are not just a guy hoping to get lucky.
Like, “Is one of these women going to like me?”
You are not a guy who is really nervous and nice, sucking up to women.
You are not a guy who is bragging about himself and trying to impress women and put on a show.
Instead, you are a guy who is naturally making women feel attracted.
And they are looking for that.
So in almost all cases, they start to compete amongst themselves.
But if they do not, then they either get the heck out of the way, or they help and encourage the interaction between you and their friend.
Because they know that you are an attractive guy.
They see that she is happy.
She is feeling the attraction.
And they want it to happen.
By the way, if you want to learn all of the best ways to make women feel attracted to you as you talk to them—so creating that emotional attraction that then causes the woman to have sexual and romantic attraction for you—then I recommend that you head over to MasterAttraction.com.
Every month, I teach you new traits and give you examples of what to say and do to make women feel attracted to you.
I only opened Master Attraction about two and a half months ago, and we already have hundreds of members.
Members have been catching up and going out and meeting women together.
Members have been going out and approaching and meeting women by themselves.
They’ve been having sex on the first night with women.
They’re getting phone numbers.
They’re kissing women.
One guy even hooked up with his yoga instructor.
And prior to that, he had no confidence with women.
And he used what he had just learned in the first two lessons to have that type of confidence that made her feel so attracted to him.
And he hooked up with her that night.
So if you want to learn my best ever secrets, head over to MasterAttraction.com and go to the Lessons page to begin.
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