Why Some Handsome Men Can't Get a Girlfriend, or Get Laid (Sad, But True)
By Dan Bacon, founder of Master Attraction
How is it possible that a good-looking, fit man with a great job is still a virgin and cannot get laid? What is going on there?
So here is the man's question.
Here, I will change it a little bit as I am reading, so it makes a bit more sense:
"Is there any way to increase my self-estee,m coming only from childhood and adolescence bullying? I am good-looking and fit and do not have low self-esteem regarding that. But I do believe that I am stupid and low IQ, even if my IQ is 125 and I am an automotive engineer. Because of that, I am 32, a virgin, and I do suffer from social anxiety and shyness."
So, this is a great example of how a man can have everything going well for him on paper.
On the surface level, he is good-looking, he is fit, he has a great job and he has a high IQ, but
women are not throwing themselves at him and it does not make logical sense.
They should be throwing themselves at a guy like that, right?
What is going on?
Well, the main thing that will be going wrong for this guy is that he will be showing traits that work against him.
So he will likely be second-guessing himself around women and people in general, and be worried about saying the wrong thing and not seeming smart, or just have that self-doubt about him where he just does not feel like he is good enough.
He experienced some bullying when he was younger and he hasn't gotten past that.
I will get to that in a moment.
But essentially, a guy who is confident around women—the sort of guy who is going to make women feel attracted—is a guy who is not going to be worrying about trying to be perfect.
Instead, he knows that he has value, he recognizes his own value, and he walks through life with that belief in himself.
Now, with this particular guy, he is fit, he is good-looking, he has a great job, which is difficult to do.
Not every man knows how to put an engine together or what part goes where and how mechanics work, right?
That guy has a very specialized type of intelligence that not all men have, right?
So that is something that he can be proud of.
And he also has a high IQ.
But he says that he is stupid.
He thinks that he is stupid.
So a lot of this man's problems are going to be self-inflicted, where he is putting himself down and not willing to see his own value and believe in his own value.
Another man, for example, who is in the exact same position as him but is only average-looking and is not fit—he might have a bit of a belly or he might have a dad bod sort of thing—he will interact with women and he will be charming.
He will have a bit of a sexual vibe when he is interacting with women.
He will be assertive at times or display what I call loving dominance.
Or he will use what I call playfully challenging humor.
Or he will use some flirting.
There are so many different traits that you can display when you are interacting with women that make them feel sexually and romantically attracted to you.
You do not have to display them all at once or anything like that.
But you need to be able to display something that causes a woman to feel sexual and romantic attraction for you.
Otherwise, she will just feel neutral towards you.
Or in the case of this guy, women are going to be feeling turned off by him because he is going to be displaying the opposite of the traits that actually make women feel attracted.
So women are going to be able to sense his self-doubt, his insecurity, his low self-esteem, the fact that he is looking to women to hopefully give him approval before he can then feel confident.
So he will be the sort of guy who is waiting for women to show him obvious signs of interest before he can then feel like, “Oh, right, I am good enough in this case, am I?”
The thing is, if the guy is good-looking, then sometimes unattractive women are going to show him that sort of interest.
But pretty women and attractive women will rarely, if ever, show that type of interest in a man—whether he is handsome, average-looking, or below average-looking.
Instead, a pretty woman and an attractive woman want to be able to see that a man can be confident regardless of how she is behaving.
She wants to be able to see that his confidence and his emotional state are not relying on her.
He has what I call emotional independence.
Emotional independence is essentially the opposite of neediness.
When a man is needy, it means that he is emotionally dependent on the woman.
He needs her to behave in a certain way or say certain things in order for him to feel confident enough, to feel good enough, to feel okay in the moment.
So this man experienced bullying when he was a kid.
And what a lot of guys do not realize is that life happens in chapters.
And the chapter of who you were as a kid is done.
Who you were in your teens is done.
That chapter is gone.
What you need to be able to do is learn from the experience and not bring that chapter into the current chapter of your life that you are in.
Because who you are right now is new.
It is different.
You have a new opportunity.
You have a new day.
You have new knowledge.
You have leveled up as a man.
You are not the kid that you were.
Likewise, back then, for this man, the kids who were bullying him were likely naive little kids who maybe grew up—some of them anyway—to regret what they did to other kids on the schoolyard.
But this particular man has carried that on with him and continues to feel unworthy.
Continues to feel like a guy who is stupid, even though he has a higher-than-average IQ.
With the average IQ being 100, this guy has an IQ of 125, so he is quite smart.
And he has a job which requires a specific type of intelligence, as I mentioned, that not every man has.
Not every man can do automotive engineering, or mechanical engineering, or engineering in general.
And this guy is also good-looking and he is fit.
And he is going through life thinking that he is not good enough.
What is so horrible about this guy that he thinks he is not good enough for women?
How much credit is he giving women?
She has got boobs and a butt and hips and—wow—she is so much better than him?
What a lot of guys do not realize is that you do not have to be perfect to get a girlfriend or get laid.
All you need to do is display some attractive traits such as confidence, humor, flirting, or assertiveness, and then shoot your shot.
And you will get results.
The more attractive traits you can display, the more attractive you will be.
But guys can get a girlfriend or get laid even if they are not perfect.
For example, he playfully challenges her at times and she finds that attractive.
Or he uses flirting, or is assertive.
But he may secretly feel a bit insecure around her as well.
And she still will get with him anyway.
Because he has made her feel some attraction.
And from her perspective, he then had the confidence or the determination to follow through and shoot his shot, which is attractive to her.
He gave himself a chance.
He went after what he wanted.
Women want that trait in a man, where a man goes after what he wants and does not just hide away and think that he is not good enough.
He steps up to the plate and goes after what he wants.
Women are attracted to that and they value it.
Sure, the woman would prefer if the guy did not secretly feel insecure around her.
But he can fix and improve that while in a relationship with her.
As long as he is able to display some traits that make her feel attracted.
The reality is that a relationship is a great place to grow and improve as a man.
You do not have to be perfect to get into a relationship.
Instead, you just need to display some attractive traits and shoot your shot, and you will get a result with many of the single women you meet who want those traits in a man but struggle to find them.
The more emotionally attractive traits you can display, the more women will want you and the easier it will be for you.
Yet do not think that you need to be perfect to begin attracting women.
All you need to do is display some attractive traits and then shoot your shot.
Unfortunately, so many guys do not understand that attraction works differently for men and women.
For example, for men, we can look at a woman and instantly find her attractive based on her hips, her butt, her boobs, her face—just instantly look at her and say yes.
And she does not have to do anything.
Because a man's attraction to a woman is primarily about her physical appearance, at least initially.
And if he then wants to have a relationship with her, then okay, he wants some great personality traits as well.
But just about sex, most men can look at a woman and instantly say yes or no.
What happens with women is that they need to interact with you and see that you have the type of emotional traits that they are looking for in men.
Such as confidence.
The ability to handle yourself in pressured situations.
Assertiveness.
Social intelligence.
Or the ability to flirt with her and create sexual tension.
Or the ability to make her laugh in a way that challenges her.
So when women say that they like a funny guy, it is not a guy who uses safe, nice humor, where he is just being a nice, friendly guy.
Instead, the type of humor that makes women feel sexually and romantically attracted to a guy is when he has the courage and the social intelligence to be able to playfully challenge her with humor.
When a man does that, it makes her feel girly in comparison to his masculinity.
Because he has the courage—or balls, if you want to put it that way—to playfully challenge her in the moment.
To put a bit of pressure on her in a playful way.
And that shows her that, oh, he is not intimidated by her.
He is not placing her above him.
He is not afraid of her.
And he is also not a needy guy who is worried about saying the wrong thing around a woman.
“I have got to try to say everything right and be on my best behavior and then she might give me a chance,” right?
That is a needy guy.
But a guy who is confident and has emotional independence is not going to be worried about potentially saying something that a woman may not like.
And he is also not worried if he is using playfully challenging humor because he is only playfully messing with her.
He is not saying something serious.
It is a joke.
And women get it.
And you may have seen that when you have observed a man interacting with a woman and just being nice and safe and polite and neutral.
And then another guy comes in and he is being playfully challenging, or he flirts with her, and she suddenly lights up.
She likes him.
She ignores the other guy.
And now she is focused on the guy who is making her feel girly in comparison to him, who is putting a little bit of pressure on her in a playful way.
It shows that he has confidence.
He has courage.
He is not placing her above him.
But at the same time, he is not being disrespectful.
He is not coming in and insulting women and being rude or mean or something like that.
He is just playfully messing with her.
So, for this guy and any other guy who is holding on to things that have hurt them when they were younger, and that are still causing them issues in their adult life, you need to be able to close that chapter of your life.
And just understand that certain things happened.
Learn from it and use that to make you stronger.
Do not use it to bring you down in the current chapter of your life.
Of, “Oh, these things happened to me when I was younger.”
No.
Those things happened.
But who you are now is a new man.
You have a new day.
A new opportunity.
This is a new chapter of your life.
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